I did this
Here are my 6 Non-Negotiables when engaging ‘Socially”…
1. Find your Voice!!! Then share it in a compassionate way! Social media is an amazing platform to connect to the whole world! Even if your whole world
2. Use Your Voice Outside of Social Media As Well! No passive aggressive comments or posts, or incongruent behavior. I am That, I am! Integrate your message into your whole life. This is where we alleviate the pressure to be something different online. Don’t get lost…Just Show Up!! We also get to set limits with how open we want to show up on Social Media…just be congruent. If you wouldn’t say it in real life, don’t say it online. For some
3. Act Mindfully! No one is forcing us to log on and scroll…and scroll…and scroll…and refresh…and scroll. And see what people are wearing, who they are with, what exactly they said, how horrible she is in real life and how incongruent she is online,… We have to focus on ourselves and what empowers us, that’s it! Notice how you feel before, during, and after you go on…adjust accordingly. Soooo important for us to recognize AND to teach our kids. We are missing such an opportunity if we don’t go here!
4. Take Breaks and Fill Up Your Own Tank! The same way you would with any other relationships in your life. We are never with someone all the time. Not our kids, not our partners, not anyone!!! Choose to take conscious breaks. Not because you are over it and exhausted by it…but because it feels like the right time. We choose to give our eyes a break, we choose to sit with an actual human and socialize, we choose to be in nature without screens. Hang out and do things in real life that feel good to you. Find out what that is. What gets you excited and joyful and giddy and passionate to engage in. Sometimes as a
5. Clean Out Your Friend List. In real life and online. I promised myself when I started raising my family, that I would only be with people that felt good to me. That made me feel good about my life and my choices and my way of being in this world. For me to be congruent as a human, this was not negotiable. Not because I am better than anyone, but I needed to be better to me! This may sound like a given, but it’s
6. And last, but one of the most important ones!! If You’re Not Engaging, Don’t Be On It! As a human acting socially, we want to make eye contact, use our voice, and engage in some way with another person, or situation. Social Media is no different. Either engage socially or don’t be on. It confuses the brain. You create stories that fuel your feelings, but the stories are not fully accurate. Remember I said I lived through this so you don’t have to. I lost friends over this. I created stories about photos I saw online that were so far from the truth, and so out of context. It’s like if you go to a party and stand around looking at everyone having fun…you’re going to leave the party feeling like shit. Why would you feel anything else? You stood around talking to yourself and making yourself feel bad the whole time. Tearing yourself apart, tearing your friends apart. Same thing with social media. If you aren’t being social, get off. If it doesn’t feel good, get off.
This is probably one of the hardest things to give ourselves permission to do. To give ourselves permission to stay in joy, to stay in the light! To not only NOT engage in what makes us feel bad, but not even give it any energy.
When I first started being mindful and paying attention to how I felt on Social Media, I was not happy. I felt insecure, uneasy about friendships, upset about not being included, wanting to hide in real life, and pressure to like/respond in a way that didn’t completely align with my truths. I also felt my happiness or worth was somehow connected to how many likes or comments I received.
These brought up old feelings of high school. Anybody else
I took a much needed and very conscious Pause! I took off my social media glasses and just focused on myself. Because when my relationship with myself is solid, I breathe new life into everything else. Even Social Media!
It may sound odd to say it’s a relationship, but anything else would be inaccurate. Like any other relationship, it could be amazing, diminishing, abusive, codependent, flat, numb, joyful, you name it. Once we are aware..we can choose to shift into what feels best. Because when we know better…we do better.
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